Monthly Archives: January 2015

Belated Reflections

2014 was a doozy for me. The majority of it was mostly miserable, and then late in the game things started to turn around. I have been mulling over what all of those changes and feelings have taught me, and this is the result of all that mulling:

Radical change has the potential to be your savior, if you let it.

Listen to your gut. I should’ve left long before I did, but I always came up with half-assed reasons to stay. I eventually did end up leaving, and as soon as I made the change I knew it was the right thing. Even when things weren’t working out quite the way I envisioned, I knew I couldn’t go back. The only way out was forward.

Don’t treat people like they’re precious. Do your best to save the relationship, but ultimately if someone makes you feel like shit and disrespects you, pull that rip chord. I walked out of an eight year friendship that was mostly great, until it really wasn’t.

If you need a night where you drink too much and dance with strangers and tell them your name is Stephanie, do it. Don’t feel bad.

Blame my introvertedness, but I consider myself to be mostly a thinker that is up in my head almost all of the time. This is great in certain respects, like self awareness, but it can also lead to my brain being my worst enemy in creating all types of stress and expectations that make me feel like a failure. This year taught me above all else to use my body to beat my brain. I have never used my feet on trails/sidewalks, in running shoes, on bike pedals as much as I did in 2014. I used those chemicals to combat all the bad things happening in my brain, to turn off the incessant flow of thoughts, to exhaust myself physically so I could actually sleep at night. It worked, and I ended up healthier and more fit than I have ever been.

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In the same vein, nature also waged that war for me with silence and beauty and the feeling of the wind on my skin.

I pride myself on being independent and intensely private, but sometimes you have to let people into your trenches. Return the favor and get into theirs. You will all be stronger.